Actually the above is not my resolution of the year …Thats the change i want to see in myself…
As a daughter, sister, wife, daughter in-law, sister in-law, mother, employee, employer, senior, junior, friend…I guess in all my roles I never demanded for what I deserve. I always think that if I deserve I will get what I want…But in true world that’s not the case.
I for the longest time now want to stand up for myself but I consistently fail. Why?? What I fear for, why I fear…I shouldn’t be in this position. Maybe I fear rejection. And hate uneasy mess in my world! I want a positive, happy environment around me all the time and that’s why I always want to keep people around me happy. What I can do for people around me..I try and do every bit of it, I walk that extra mile to keep smiles. But do I get my due in return..Well, not always.
My family I know will stick around me all the time, but what about my other relationships. My efforts here will be paid off in long run. But My friends..For whom I might be just any other friend whom they will forget once their purpose is sorted. My colleagues, who might just use me for their benefit and take out work from me and then move on in their life. My seniors at work, who again just want their work done and a pleasant face around them who doesn’t cribs and complains about anything. People who work for me, maybe they are just happy sticking around me as I make no noise about job not done and don’t poke nose in the way they do their jobs…AND I in between of all this stand like a sponge ball.. Absorbing everything and wanting to spread happiness by not creating problems in others life by asking for anything for my own self.
But does all this works for me…To some extent YES…As my people happy = Me happy
But again, if I start asking people to give me or behave in a way I deserve for..Will that change the situation for any better. ?
I have found I guess a good friend cum young sister kinds in one of my colleagues Isha…She is like fire to me..Always glowing, fearless, knows how to say NO, never apologetic for standing for her rights..What she feels she deserves for she would just go for it …Speaks her heart out & That’s what I want to become! (In some ways no too 🤣 that I can discuss later)
I hope am able to make this year a fantastic one. The change has to be made from within and the urge to change things for the better has been growing in me for a while now. I wish for overall well-being and nurturing of self-confidence and positive thinking for myself & everyone connected to me. God please help me in my mission. 🙏✌️